We’ve all been there.
Your partner says something that feels unfair.
A colleague challenges your point of view.
Someone gives you feedback you don’t particularly want to hear.
And while they are still talking, you are no longer listening.
You are preparing your defence.
Gathering your evidence.
Calling your imaginary witnesses.
Basically building a legal case worthy of the Supreme Court.
I’ve been practicing a wonderfully simple communication tool lately:
W.A.I.T.
It stands for: Why Am I Talking?
Four words. One very good question.
Because sometimes, what a conversation needs most isn’t another clever argument, explanation or rebuttal.
It needs a pause.
When I remember to WAIT, I can ask myself:
Why am I about to speak?
Am I trying to understand – or prove that I’m right?
Am I trying to help – or defend myself?
Am I responding to what was actually said – or to the story I have created about what was said?
Does what I’m about to say move this conversation forward – or simply add more fuel to the fire?
That tiny pause can change everything. It creates a little space between reaction and response.
It gives the other person the experience of actually being heard.
And perhaps most importantly, it reminds me that not every thought that enters my head needs the privilege of leaving my mouth.
I think this matters just as much in leadership as it does in relationships.
Great leaders don’t always need to have the answer.
Great partners don’t always need to make their point.
Sometimes our most powerful contribution to a conversation is curiosity. Sometimes it is listening.
And sometimes it is simply silence.
So the next time a conversation gets a little heated and you can feel yourself preparing your closing argument, try one four-letter word:
WAIT. Why Am I Talking?
You may discover that saying less allows you to hear more. And hearing more may be exactly what the relationship needs.
